The smaller the moment noticed, appreciated and savored, the deeper its connection to your sense of peace and plenty…
--Sarah Ban Breathnach
Well, I wasn't thinking I would write this one! But after getting home last night unexpectedly early and drenched to the bone and both thrilled, freezing, and filled with bittersweet feels of stress and melancholy, I really knew I had to remember this.
Last night, I wanted to go to this Bible Study club...I've wanted to go for a couple weeks now, and last week there was a storm, and I did not go, even though there was indeed a meeting. So this week, the rain started to come down steadily, but the thunder and lightning had largely passed by the time the meeting came around. So I drove over and parked a few buildings away from where the meeting was because I didn't think I was allowed to park closer in the Faculty parking spaces right in front of where we were meeting...so, it was still raining. Hard. You could say it was pouring, and I had counted on the gigantic oak and pin-oak trees shielding me from the rain...nope! The raindrops were even larger and harder underneath them. And above that, nearly the whole campus was in a flood of puddles. And my shoes weren't waterproof. So I put my shoes in my (poor, now rather worn but still loved) purse and pulled up my vest around my neck and set off.
Frankly, it was FUN in a scary kind of way that I really liked. I was walking barefoot in the dark, sometimes black puddles (which were mostly clear, since the rain was so hard there was little debris) like I was in a waterpark. It was like something secret, dark, and supposedly forbidden, except it was really open to everyone...like a little-known garden. Still, I was getting soaked, so I tried to get inside. I did get inside one of the oldest, largest buildings...it was unlocked and some lights were on, but no one was there. As I walked through it and down to the basement, trying to find the exit, it was the special kind of creepy that made you feel like you could meet a fairy at any moment. Or maybe a ghost. But it was too much fun for a ghost, and besides, I can see unusual, large fairies roaming some of those old buildings at night. The old portraits of the deceased professors and founders on the wall never looked so creepy! But there really wasn't a soul there, and it was just a very unique kind of fun, going through that old, dark place.
So then I got outside, under a walkway...but the next building was a dorm! So I couldn't go through, and had to walk around it in the rain to the building I needed to get to. This is where it was really nice. The puddles were really deep, and the ground was so smooth and the water was clear. I was already so wet, I just went splashing the water around as I went. If it had been a true flood, I wouldn't have minded. It was amazing! It was like the whole place was transformed into a world of black wetness and water, with only a few street lights guiding my way, reflecting on the water puddles feebly, being splashed about, tussling with the raindrops. Without the manmade light, it would have been truly dark. Perhaps the reason why people these days flirt with the idea of darkness so uniquely and somewhat carelessly is because we don't really know what true darkness is?
And so I arrived at my destination! Soaking wet, and despite feeling pretty thrilled, I thought I was gonna be pretty upset if there wasn't a meeting tonight...I got to the room and there was another girl there. We had a really nice chat about art and some art history until she got in contact with (the other?) group leader and found out the club had been canceled. I don't remember if I laughed or not at this...but it was definitely really ironic.
So back outside we went; she had parked a lot closer than I, so I went along on my own, straight down the sidewalk. I wasn't too keen on going back into the empty building on my way...so I just kept along the road. There was more debris there from the trees and all, and even though the rain was letting up I felt a little concerned. So, as I had done two years ago when I first went to this Uni on an orientation, I talked to my guardian angel. I named him (or her?) Marco. I think it can apply no matter which type of sex the angel's soul is (or are they like that? I know we are, but what are they? Well, again, it can work no matter what.) I suppose it might be kind of silly to give a name....but eh, it's a nickname. Might as well, you know?
And he/she must have come through for me, since the girl I met at the not-happening club drove down and drove me half of the way to my van. That was really nice of her....though I think I kind of soaked the seat that I was on in her car. So then she dropped me off, and...well, I had really decided to join the club I think! Yeah, I really think I'll be going back next week; it seems really nice from what little we talked about. Plus they're studying Revelation....that'll be very funny if we wind up talking about the Rapture theory! But yes, it seems nice.
Anyways, dropped off and then...I could NOT find my keys in my purse. I was freaking out after a little and went back to that empty building, but didn't go inside as I tried to look...finally I went back in, dumping all that was in my purse on this nice-looking, velvet cushioned bench. Looking back, I just find this very funny...I was there, alone, in this grand, mysterious, creepy old place, and here I was getting it wet with all the great assortment of junk and stuffs in my purse.
So then after only a couple small freak-outs, I found my keys, yay! And then went back out and drove home. It all only took about a half-hour...no, less than. It was really fun, strange, and exciting. And in a weird way, it was spookier than those haunted amusement park places. Though, I guess it was kind of silly for me to worry about someone popping up and jumping me or something...I was the only soul out there in that weather! No thief or anything would have bothered. They wouldn't think there'd be anyone as crazy as me!
Oh, when I got back, my Dad asked why I didn't use the umbrella in the back of the van....the worst thing is that I suspected we had one, but I didn't look! So, yes, if anyone ever asks why I got so soaking wet and aged my poor purse with water damage....the only answer is because I'm too scatterbrained to live! Or at least, to live normally. (Plus, again, I was relying on the trees to shield me. Again, I was sooo wrong.)
But yeah, it was pretty fun! Mmm, not perfect, but nothing ever is. It was unique. Especially the weird creepiness of the old building....I almost wish I had met a fairy or something. I don't know. It really could have happened, or at least really felt that way. And really, the type of dark, lonely and mysterious bitter-sweetness that pervaded over the whole time was so unique. Maybe bitter-sweet joys are sometimes more eye-opening and fulfilling than happiness that is less tinged with melancholy and sad and lonely complexities?
And although I wasn't originally planning to, I just had to do another picture, based on last night.
This one is also based on the scent "Night Blooming Jasmine." It sounds absolutely scrumptious (in a non-food sort of way) to me.
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